A cadre of skilled search engine optimization (SEO) ninjas struck the website of a small peanut processing firm in the early hours of Thursday morning, propelling it up through layers of results pages in a dramatic increase to its online presence.
A spokesman for Winston-Salem’s Davidson Food Processing – wearing a black mask on which the words "powered by Google" were written in Japanese characters – told reporters in the wake of the daring search engine optimization (SEO) assault that it had taken action to prevent what it described as "total hegemony of the plutocratic peanut processors. Free the peanut!"
Unlike normal ninjas, whose purpose is to flip out and kill people, search engine optimization (SEO) ninjas are noted for their complete lack of stealth and ability to draw attention to themselves and their overlords. Outbreaks of allergic reactions as a result of the sudden increase in peanut-based products on the internet were said to be widespread, but under control, according to the CDC, which also noted that there were no injuries sustained in the incident.
Spokespeople for Skippy and Jif were unavailable for comment.